A Moment of Truth

I am exhausted...When I woke up this morning at 6 am ready to take my delegation of southern women to Capitol Hill to lobby for health care reform, I thought my exhaustion was a matter of anxiety from having worked non-stop for the last 5 days to pull off this amazing day of advocacy. But as I stepped out of my hotel room to head downstairs to breakfast, two things hit me -- HARD!

First, Massachusetts elected Scott Brown to fill the late Edward Kennedy's Senate seat. The second? It is exactly one year to the day that I was in Washington DC watching the inauguration of President Barack Obama. And unfortunately, both weighed on me heavily.

I will deal with the 'worst first', as my Jewish PE Teacher used to say. Scott Brown's election compounded the enormous loss I already felt from the death of Senator Kennedy. My feelings did not ebb as reports blared all day about how 'healthcare is dead'. Depending on who you talk to that is not necessarily a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I want comprehensive health care but the thought of passing a bill that excludes critical components necessary for women and communities to realize their human right to comprehensive healthcare is troubling, to say the least. But back to Scott Brown. His win in my opinion is a part of the local push back of election Barack Obama to office. And it is a feeling unfortunately that I believe we will have to get used to, at least for the mid-term elections. I know, I know, those of you who know me are saying, "As a Southerner you should be used to it." Well, I am not.

That being said, I have been trying to put my finger on the other emotions driving me toward exhaustion today. Enter President Obama. While qualifying my emotions today is a challenge, I think back on the one clear moment where my emotions were real, clear, and unspeakably authentic - Jan. 20, 2009, Inauguration Day. And what I felt in that moment is not what I feel at this moment.

I dare not follow the lead of the national news anchors and grade President Obama. Its ridulous given there is truly no objective standard to formally grade a president. And polls are pointless. What I can say is this - the hope, elation, and adulation I felt in 2008 has waned a bit. I was so excited, I couldn't sleep on Election Night. I was so overwhelmed, I hosted dinner parties to have "Best Election Year Moments" recap. I was so inspired, I completed my first novel. So what is the problem now you ask? Is it his incessant need to pass "bi-partisan" legislation? Or his desire to make so many people(Constituencies) happy in such a short amount of time? Not at all. You have to live with a Leo to love them and truly understand them.:) He'll come down from that high.

My trepidation harkens back to something I heard at the King Day Celebration in Atlanta on Monday. Dr. Cornel West said, "Dr. King didn't sacrifice so that we could have black faces in high places. He sacrificed so that black faces in high places to hold the unjust to account and give voice to the least of these." While I don't think Barack is obligated to save the race, perhaps I unknowingly though that 365 days later African Americans would move closer to saving themselves. Nothing dramatic mind you, but small distinctive steps towards "greatness rather than success". (Another C. West-ism). And it's possible. I never thought I would be lobbying on the Hill a year later for a bill that no other president has come this close to passing. But where is everyone else? Where are the thousands of people last year who were so happy to see the first black man get elected to the highest office in the land shutting down Washington DC or their own districts for that matter to push HIS agenda? I am baffled.

So as I sit here in DC writing my first blog piece EVER, I am thinking about "moments of truth" and how we all must have one. As a country we must have one regarding health care reform and our moral obligation to provide for "the least of these". As a gender, women must have one regarding the distinctions that divide us in assumption, policy, and matters of conscience. As a race, African Americans must have a moment of truth regarding collective self love and our individual greatness, rather than success.

This is my moment of truth...I definitively believe that I am a divine change agent in this world. I have the ability to inspire others and the talents to encourage all those I engage. And I will. As my generation struggles to understand the great fallacy of success, I must continue to remind him/her/them along my journey that each of us has a divine purpose and the ability to realize our greatness. What will you do to change the world? A Black Girl Named Heidi